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It is not about a single moment of bliss, but rather a constant state of ecstasy. One has to think about the souls choosing to enter this World when there appears to be so much confusion, fear and chaos occurring on a global level. As we enter into the Age of Aquarius, it appears even more evident that the babies being born at this time are coming here for a specific reason.to bring the message of peace. I must say my own focus during the nine months of my last pregnancy was about growing a healthy baby rather than the state of affairs in the world. As a promoter of world peace, I advocate an end to violent births as a solution for world peace. As pregnant women, we exist as divine vessels carrying future generations. Finding a sense of inner peace during our pregnancies transmits to the souls within. How we choose to give birth and mother our children is paramount to the possibility of a peaceful world. For several years now I have been germinating a book about helping women to discover the sensual, ecstatic, tantric nature of birth. Birth as a form of being in love (process) rather than about making love (goal). Conception, pregnancy are what proceeds the climatic birth. One cannot exist without the other and each affects the other. I relentlessly dreamt about sharing my life with another where loving was the sustenance of existence. From this place we would weave our lives together while fulfilling our life's purpose. It would be a life of simplicity and abundance with family and children at the forefront. I had no doubt that I was to consciously conceive other souls from this place of loving. I longed to look into the eyes of God (my Beloved) in the moment of orgasmic, painless birth. I was blind to the fact that my path to ecstasy would include the failure of my marriage to the father of my three daughters. For years I was a single mother visioning a new business venture. Nonetheless, the desire to find my Beloved grew as I searched for the one with whom to manifest the dream. I journeyed until my Beloved found me and I found him. Together, we discovered parts of ourselves that had been hidden to the world, even ourselves. Our love moved us through the fear and from this place we conceived. Our daily worship of lovemaking, of making love, washed away all the doubts and challenges along the way. I envisioned the moment of birth as the ultimate climax of our nine months of lovemaking from the first orgasm during conception. I recall the birth memory as a beautiful soul, only three days old, softly sucks at my breast. It took a few days to integrate and understand the vastness of her entrance into this world. She is my fourth child, all daughters, born consciously at home. The birth of my first daughter, Kailah, was the cornerstone to my awakening. Her birth symbolized the reclaiming of my physical being. It provided me with a sense of clarity and power that enabled me to fully embrace the Goddess aspect of myself. I gained a deeper level of trust and understanding, in myself, my female body and the universe. It was the beginning of my surrender. The birth was midwife assisted and I relied heavily on the knowledge of another woman to guide me through this unknown territory. I had many safety measures set in place so that I could feel in control while being out of control. I delivered instinctually, forging my way forward into motherhood.
The birth of my second daughter, Malaika, displayed the emotional side of myself and of birth. The importance of my relationships with others was vital. My female friends strengthened my growing acceptance and expansion of myself while motivating me in the face of a deteriorating marriage. I continued to become more and more aligned with the Goddess and the intuitive nature that lived within myself. Yet, I still believed life was a struggle and that I needed to work harder at trying to be at peace. I struggled in my attempts to hold onto the illusions that made me feel safe. The presence of other women at the birth felt important as I continued to sink deeper into the confidence and strength I gained in my mothering. The birth of my third daughter, Kierah, was the transition from my lower body state (more primal) to my higher body state (more ethereal).the midpoint between Heaven and Earth. In essence, it was about my relationship to myself and a new understanding or visioning of God/Goddess. No longer did I need to hold onto any preconceived idea. I was able to release my marriage and trust the universe would lead me to where I was being called. It was the realization that I no longer needed to struggle in life. I was safe enough to trust in the Divine and give birth peacefully without unnecessary drama. No longer did I need to hold anyone else accountable while giving birth. I birthed in silence with others as witnesses. No longer did I need to search outside of myself for any answers or truth. The birth was about my ability to love unconditionally without attachment. It was my first taste of freedom. The most recent birth of my fourth daughter, Concordia, made possible the integration of inner peace and harmony; merging both spirituality and sexuality. I had released the fear that had dominated the first part of my life to ascend to a place where an actual relationship based on unconditional love and trust could exist. I was surprised by the sensations during this pregnancy and birth as they felt different than my other pregnancies. A deep throbbing pain pushing on my pelvis and lower back woke me, moaning from the pressure, two nights before the day of birth . The week was filled with sensual lovemaking as well as the busyness of our lives (running two businesses, dealing with the emotions of a dying father while homeschooling our newly blended family of five children). A dear friend and sacred sister in the realm of birth arrived to be present for the children. We planned a lotus free birth for our first born child (my Beloved's first homebirth). The unquestionable strength of our love made us confident about birthing without needing anyone else present to manage the outcome of our lovemaking. Some quiet space on the morning of the birth allowed us to again make love causing the surges to pattern themselves one minute apart. One hour later, our beautiful child was in our arms. The pressure on my pelvis and lower back during active labor caused confusion as these sensations felt unusual to me. In looking back, I realize that a posterior positioning may have been the cause of the confusion. Ironically, I spent the months of my pregnancy stressing to my pre-natal yoga students to visualize their babies being in the proper position for birth ensuring an easy delivery. I had never imagined the possibility of one of my babies being in any other position. Birth always reminds us in one way or another that we ultimately have no control.
Although sensual, my birth was not quite the orgasm I had envisioned. It was as though I still had residue from past beliefs that needed to be released before moving fully into an ecstatic state. In between surges I verbally released the resistance and the urge to hold back the pressure by announcing that I fully embraced peace and joy into my life. I surrendered to any preconceptions of pain or struggle and claimed the love and joy we deserve into our lives to be fully present. I felt a mental shift releasing any traces of the past transcend to a physical shift of embracing all possibilities for our future. With the next surge the birth waters sprayed out from me like a fountain and her head shot from the top of my pelvis to crowning to the head being all the way out as my body thrusted upward. Her head lay there for a few minutes in stillness, and then with the next surge her entire body slipped out. We looked at her in awe. The ejaculatory way in which she was born felt like masculine energy to me. All of my births have tended to be precipitous, but I had in my mind the slow building up sensations of orgasm for this birth (where the head would slowly crown). The birth of the placenta, over an hour later, felt much more feminine in nature and more familiar. I realize that my associations with the aggressive masculine energy of the birth paralleled the early part of my life and the birth of the placenta was the new found feminine energy reclaimed at this stage in my life. The life force of the placenta during this pregnancy was essential to this birth. We planned to allow the cord to self-detach without being cut (lotus birth). Looking back, it seems as if it were a conscious decision to embrace all aspects of myself. The symbolism of the cord as the sustenance for the beginning of life, how we value the quality of our lives and the lives of others seemed particularly precious. For me, birthing the placenta was just as vital as birthing the baby. The birth of the placenta in my other births had been the point of drama. I hemorrhaged my first two births. The third was centered around not bleeding- which I did not. With my fourth birth, I had moved to a place of respecting and honoring the placenta without a concern of bleeding. One week after the birth, my Beloved sat with his father for the last forty eight hours of his life. I saw the parallels between the relationship we have with our placentas at birth and with our bodies at death. My Beloved fulfilled the true definition of a "midwife"-one who serves as witness to both the miracle of life and the miracle of death. Both were natural events at home without interventions to allow for the moment to be born or to die to be a conscious choice. The act of birthing or dying without intervention, without violence, is an act of peace itself. A woman giving birth is a powerful force. To serve as witness, without interference is a difficult thing for many to do. The exhilarating energy is enticing. It draws us towards it-midwives, mothers, doulas, ob's. How do we honor that energy? Do we claim it for our own while destroying it in the process? Do we take the time to listen to the inherent wisdom or do we justify our need to cut the belly, cut the yoni or cut the cord? This is not peace. Our four daughters arrived soon after the birth of Concordia, just in time to witness the birth of her placenta. It was if they arrived as witnesses for the new way of living that we are creating. It was perfect. I wrote after the birth: The familiar is now unfamiliar and the unfamiliar is now familiar. This is truly the time of paradox where everything we once knew or believed has been reversed to reveal new meaning. All realities are shattered and reborn. We are creating ourselves anew in this new world paradigm. I realized that life is not about a single moment of bliss, but rather a constant state of ecstasy. It is about being able to return to your center again and again. Enlightenment is found within the chaos. We find ecstasy in the moments when we are able to set our fears aside. When we move beyond the veils of illusion, we are free from the patterns of pain and suffering. It is a willingness to extended beyond the parameters of oneself in a desire to love other. It is recognizing the dream as a possible reality. It is about finding balance and being willing to see perfection in imperfection. In giving birth to Concordia, I freed myself. I am who I was always intended to be before all of the distractions, pain and suffering confused my way. I have moved beyond the realm of the personal into the realm of the global. As I embraced ecstasy, joy, peace and unconditional love for myself in the moment of birth, I realized that I was also doing so for everyone else around me. Essentially, there became no more ME, but a sense of oneness that supercedes much more than mere existence. The most magical part of this birth, of course, is our daughter herself. We were very surprised to discover that "he" was a she as we both were convinced we were having a son. So we waited for two days for her to reveal to us who she was. The night prior to her being born we were engaged in deep conversation about the possibility of world peace. The morning after the birth we read the following meditation excerpt:
February 22: Divine Order. My life is filled with divine order, and all my relatives, friends, and loved ones are in harmony with divine order. I release them to their highest good and retain unconditional love. It went on to say that in Roman times they honored the living the day after honoring the dead. On this day, they set aside all differences and feuds to feast and celebrate. The day was ruled by Concordia, the Roman Goddess of Peace.Living a Sacred Life, Robin Heerens Lysne And then we recognized who she was. The babies of peace, the ones choosing to enter this world without violence or pain, are catalysts lighting the way. Let us welcome them as reminders that freedom is available to all. We all deserve to live lives filled with peace and joy. Peaceful birthing will lead to a peaceful world. Imani and her Beloved, John, live in Hartford, Connecticut along with their six homeschooled children, including Concordia. They continue to be inspired to write stories and revelations from their daily lives to share with others.
